Yeah I Wrote This!

His words reminded me of a prior critique he did some years ago: a critique of my then upcoming book, “Fattening up frog for snake.” In it he said: “Reading your poems makes me sick of words, sick of the sight and taste of words. I look for forest and all I get are trees. I go to a window not to look at the glass but to look out. Your words must be window, clean, clear. I wish to see through them into the beyond/into what’s beyond. And there is occasionally something beyond but too often your grammar, vocabulary, word order obscure them, mix with them, make mush, make a mess. Your words, carefully chosen, must be fixed in place.”

He went on to say, “You use words sloppily…like a drunk going home, cussing, waving his arms and falling down. What of the cowboy, his two guns drawn, blazing, bullets flying, as steady as a rock with the other fellow falling. Your music (versification) is your one redeeming poetic factor but even this is overused and collapses into monotony…Your choice of subjects I find is worth exploring. There is some message in range of subjects you leap upon and bring together, lashing them round with/in lines of verse. Though I wonder about the strength of each line -of what is each line made -twine, thread, chord, string, wire, nylon? Should lines of your verse all be made of the same material, at least the lines a each single poem? And from where are you pulling your verse chord? From heaven of hell or inspiration or intellect, your heart, your balls or from a sweater unraveling or a sock unraveling? From where is your poetry coming? Are you ejaculating it?”

He then closed with, “Grateful for this opportunity though I seem annoyed by it -though I seem only able to complain.”

I reprinted all this to echo several points.

1. Obie is brilliant and is dedicated to his craft. For that alone, I appreciated his comments. Subsequently, I revisited my work, and saw one or two areas in which Obie was indeed right within his critique. I saw that there existed a sea of words within my work, where one can be easily drowned.

2. I acknowledged, that although brilliant and apt, Obie may have err within his intepretation of my work. (The reason for this opinion, I will conclude with at the end).

3. Obie and I clearly write in different styles, mine require more words and colourful garnish). (smiling); as we write for different audiences.

4. If you haven’t already purchased, “Fattening up frog for snake,” kindly note who wrote the introduction; Mr. Obediah Smith himself. I dare say he lends credit to my masterpiece.

5. Finally, Obie’s books and my book came out almost around the same time. In fact, our books sit side by side in several leading book stores. However, at United Book Store, my book sold out in months, Obie’s books lovely as they are, (I have all three, plus a prior one, not to mention a tape), still lags. At Chapters, my book moves, and usher debates, consequently giving me some positive notoriety around campus. But then again, everyone knows me there. I’ve been there long enough! Also at the Island Book Store, the sales persons requested that I bring more books in due to demand. I have already delivered them three sets.

All this to say, good luck with your venture. Good luck with your sales, and hopefully your next reading is received better!